Is Happiness Joy?

The universal truth is that we all want to be happy; but why aren’t we? If I can get that car, I will be happy. If I find love, I will be happy. If I get that promotion, I will be happy. The problems with those statements are that we let our happiness dictate by our expectations from the external sources. When the results meet or exceed our expectation, we are happy for a moment. Our state of happiness is depended on the results of chasing the next thing in the future. To stay happy, we will continue to chase one thing after another. The reality is that we don’t get our ways in most of the cases because most things are out of our control. The more we chase happiness the further it gets. We become frustrated and disappointed. Many will give up and thinking that happiness is just an illusion. So then, how can we possibly be happy? What is happiness that keeps fleeting away from us? To get there we need to stop the chase, to stop resist, and to redefine the very meaning of happiness. Once again, we need to change our mind-set.

Instead of chasing happiness, we should feel joyful on a daily basis. Joy comes from within that connects to our inner true self. Joy doesn’t not depend on any external stimulus. We have joy, peace, and calm within all of us. It doesn’t mean that we won’t get upset, angry, or frustrated about the things happening around us or to us. The external world is a stressful place. However, we have the innate ability to return to that joyous inner state whenever we want. Have you seen a child who was upset in one minute, then the next minute she is joyfully playing with others like nothing have ever happened. We all have that inner ability to cultivate that.

Instead of resisting and fearful of life, our joy depends on embracing all the life has to offer; both good and bad. Life will continue to happen whether you resist it or not. If you argue against life, you will lose every time. When my relationship started to crack, I resisted. I was in denial and frustrated with unfairness of it all. I became depressed and angry. I won’t let go of that resentment for a long time. I lost. The pain was accumulating until one day that send me to the hospital. The moment we stop resisting and start living, we will have better perspective and the power to adapt, adjust, and appreciate. We can face life from a position of joy within instead of anger or resentment that consumes.

Instead of focusing on the results, let’s enjoy the journey. When we fully enjoy and invest in what we do and embrace who we are, we feel joy. Again we can find inspiration from children. Children can find joy in the simplest things. They can immerse themselves with a cardboard box for hours with imagination, laughter, and focus. One of my favor quotes is “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.” Let’s celebrate little things in life. The moment we realize that unlimited joy is within us, it helps us to feel our heartbreaks without being broken. It helps us to overcome the hardships without being harden. It helps us to experience loss without being lost. Joy is part of who we are. It’s within us. Joy is ours. Feel it! Believe it!

Who are we?

Do we really know who we are? What we are stand for? Is this the life you meant to live? These are hard questions. With all the pretending we do day in and day out, we forgot who we are. We learned to cope with our environment by being so damn agreeable to people around us. We tried to fit in. It was easy to just be what others want us to be. We changed our behaviors, thoughts, and values to feel that sense of belonging and closeness; real or not. Along the way we lost ourselves. We were hypnotized to believe this is the only self by our deep fear and insecurity of not being good enough. So we hid; but deep in our soul, we were yearning for more. One day we woke up and couldn’t recognize the person standing in front of the mirror. The artificial connections started to crumble. Deep down in our souls started to reject the inauthentic self. It’s time to wake the f* up and to live consciously. Start by rejecting the values we don’t believe in, rejecting the people who don’t believe in us, and rejecting the actions of not serving the best version of ourselves. Most importantly, we reject the notion of we are not enough. We are enough!

Meditation have No Expectation

I started meditation practice a few weeks ago. It’s natural to wonder if the practice will work. With the consistent practice, I believe everyone can achieve great results; however, we need to let go the illusion of quick results. Don’t expect meditation practice is a quick solution to all your issues. With any expectation, you are already on a path of possible disappointment when things you expect didn’t come true in time. You will more likely to quit before you seeing any tangible benefits. Extending this concept to other aspects of our life, the expectation of certain results for our actions is the source of our anxiety, fear, and insecurity. As I wondered the course of action to take to fix my relationship, I was driven by the expectation of certain outcome. Perhaps if I become more fit, more caring, or help out more around the house, my wife will love me more and our relationship will be fixed. When we did all that; but the outcome didn’t match our expectation, we fear that we haven’t done enough or we weren’t doing things the right way. The fear drives further anxiety and resentment. Instead we should believe that what we have done is to the best of our ability. It doesn’t matter how others perceive our actions or intentions. We cannot control other people’s reactions or behaviors; but we can absolutely control our perception of the outcome; but first we should not have a preconceived notion of certain results or expectations. It’s liberating to know that our emotions are controlled by ourselves and only ourselves. We continue to do what we believe is right based on our value. We create our own happiness and emotional well being by knowing that what we did are enough and we are enough.

Trust is must

A message I got today was too powerful to not share. For many of us that went through pain and heart breaks in our relationships, it is very hard to trust ourselves and others again. We contently doubt our and other’s actions, emotions, and feelings; afraid to get hurt again. I would argue this is the perfect moment that we need to trust more than ever to heal our mind and soul. Trust is essential to our well being. Without it will make us fearful, uncertain, anxious, insecure. Many of our miseries comes from not trusting ourselves and others. The question is how? Trust should not be a verb. Trust is a mindset that everyone can learn. It gets easier with practice. First, we need to center ourselves in something greater. You can call it God, Divine or Universe. The key is to trust that God/Divine/Universe loves you, trust that God/Divine/Universe has purpose for you, and trust that God/Divine/Universe always provide for you. With that mindset, you know everything will be okay; I will be okay. The trust in yourself frees you to do what’s needed for a better life and not carefully planning on every move or every intention. Free you from living the life you have carefully planned; instead to live the life you meant to live. Start to let go of what prevents you from living a better life. It’s easy to let go of the things that you know are not so good for you. It’s the hardest thing to let go of things that make you feel safe and comfortable; but they keep you where you are. Trust to let go to live a greater life. We have to trust ourselves and God/Divine/Universe to make that leap. Trusting ourselves is one thing. How do we trust others again? Hemingway said that “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” What if we trust them and it didn’t turn out to be what we expected? That’s okay. Trust that nothing happens by accident. It has its purpose. It teaches us to be who we are and making us better. Because of the trust in ourselves and God/Divine/Universe, we know everything is okay. I will be okay.