What to fix in a breakup?

I was watching the rerun of “Friends” last night. The episode was about the breakup between Ross and Rachel. It started with Ross’s insecurity and ended with their breakup. I know, it was a great show and had a lot of profound life lessons. Kidding aside, what stuck out the most for me was how scared, desperate, and helpless Ross was. He was constantly asking Rachel what she was thinking as if she knows. Even if he understood that feeling, what can Ross do to improve their relationship. I didn’t really understand the Ross’s emotional portrayal the first time I watched long ago. This time around, I saw a needy and clingy guy who was erratic. I can’t help but to feel a sense of sympathy for him because I can see myself in him. Like Ross, many men going through breakups want to do everything to fix the relationship. The reality is that there is nothing a man can do to fix. There is no amount of “heart to heart” talks will change her mind. She already accumulated a list of negative opinions of this relationship for a long time. We men were just too dense to realize. By doing more to fix now, a man will only appear needy, clingy, and weak. That will push her away further. What can a man do?

It seems counter-intuitive. Instead of focusing on her and her feelings, you should be focusing on you. It’s a hard thing to do; I know. Your confidence were shaken; no words can help to ease that pain; no amount of understanding will help to calm the insecurity. This is the right time to be kind to yourself. Shifting your focus to think and to find out who you really are and what do you really believe. We are so comfortable living our life by agreeing to everything that others want. We don’t realize how damaging that can be for our sense of self and soul. It’s time to put your needs and desires first. That doesn’t mean that you will become a inconsiderate jerk all of sudden. It means that your motivations and actions come from a source of value and strength. It should feel authentic and not pretentious. It’s time to get your mojo back. To do so, you need to realize that your happiness and joy should not be depended on anyone else but you. it’s very important to read that last sentence again. You should recite that daily because it’s a process of convincing your inner self or your subconscious mind that you are in control of who you are and what you become. It’s your life’s journey. Here are a few todos as examples to get you started. You have to figure out what works for you.

  1. De-clutter and organize your life by getting rid of the stuff that no longer serves you. By doing so, you will feel empowered to make more changes in your life.
  2. You should start exercising. Exercise will not only improve your overall health, but also boost your confidence. The key is to set obtainable but challenging goals.
  3. Start daily practice of meditation. Meditation helps to calm the mind. You will see results as little as a few weeks with consistent daily practice of 10 to 20 minutes.
  4. If you are into social media, I would recommend to cut-down on the time spent on those platforms. The study showed that more time someone spends on social media has direct correlation to feeling more isolation and loneliness. It’s strange that with all the technologies of today to connect with each other, we are feeling more isolated then ever before.
  5. Instead of social media, you should start reading books from great authors about life. These books will provide valuable insight into who we are as people. You will start to see that everyone including ourselves are just human who are imperfect, joyous, sad, silly, compassionate, funny, and worthy.
  6. You should never going through this life change alone. Finding strength from friends and family who could encourage and motivate you.
  7. Seeking spiritual guidance will lighten the emotional burden. Only when you realize and believe that there are truth bigger than your life, you can rest your emotional burden with peace and calm. You will never feel alone again.

All these actions take time to see results; don’t rush the process. What you do may or may not save the current relationship. There aren’t sure things in life. You can’t control how she feels about you despite all the changes in you. That’s a bit hard to hear; but trust me in saying that it will no longer matter because with a new and improved version of you has the confidence and joy within to face any life’s challenges from all aspects of your life. You know that you are enough and you can find the true belonging in any meaningful relationship. you will no longer live for someone else but yours.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson






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